In world literature and science much exemplary experience has been accumulated in the area of writing an autobiography. In particular, the wise lines of Akhmad Yassavi known as “Sheikh of thinkers of Turkish people”, where he wrote his life year by year or genuine nightingale singer of Uzbek nation son of Ergash Jumanbulbul’s poem “Autobiography (My days)” are widely known. The works “Autobiography” of famous English naturalist Charles Darwin and great Indian thinker Jawaharlal Nehru show wonderful examples of the art of turning ordinary autobiography into a unique work and a worthwhile book.
The following autobiography is not a poem, a large work or a book, even not a purposeful description, but only a concise narrative-confession. Anyway, we hope that it will allow You to have a clear idea about the creative development of a hardworking writer… Rahimjon Otaev (Otauli) is one of the writers, who is actively working as a prose-writer, publicist-essayist, critic and translator in the independent years of Uzbekistan. His difficult course of life and versatile creative work has some exemplary characteristics… If you go from Tashkent to the old city Turkistan through Chimkent city, you will pass through an old village “Iqon”, in which lies Ahmad Yassavi’s dust, the author of the well-known “Divan of wisdom”, a drop in the thousand-year Uzbek poetry, who is praised as a head of saints, “sheikh of thinkers”, and “Hazrat Sultan orifin ”. Note that one of the brightest representatives of Uzbek poetry of XX century, Mirtemir domla was born in this city. Having watched the grand mausoleum built on top of the grave of Ahmad Yassavi by our Ruler ancestor Amir Temur and purified your soul by making due visit and praying, you get to the forty chaqirim road leading to Qoratov. In the small village Koriz in the beginning of the road, which is now a part of Turkistan city, Nosir Fozilov, a brilliant representative of Uzbek children’s literature, a great translator of brotherly Kazakh and Karakalpak literature, was born. In the middle of the forty chaqirim road to Qoratov, there is another old village, which was called Qarnoq in the past, and now is called Otaboy. In this village, as you know, a pride of XX century Turkistan literature and our famous writer Odil Yoqubov was born, who has raised popularity of Uzbek literature especially with his works “Treasury of Ulugbek” and “Diyonat”! It is not all. If God wishes he bestows much, a writer Sadulla Siyoev, who has won many readers’ hearts with his historical novel “Last travel of Yassavi” and a writer Sunatulla Anorboev, who has been famous with his novel “Oqsoy”, many essays, stories and articles in the past, were also born in this village! Nowadays on the twenty chaqirim road between villages Koriz and Otaboy joined to the city Turkistan there are three more villages, which are competitive with the previous two in oldness. In 1924 in village Qorachiq a girl named Manzura Abdujabborova, in 1920 in village Yugnak a boy named Egamberdi Otaev and on April 3, 1949 in village Chipon located in the middle a son from the mother and the father were born and the boy’s name is Rahimjon, surname is Otaev and nickname is Otauli. He was born third of nine children into the many children Uzbek family: in 1945 his brother Hakimjon, in 1947 sister Anvara, in 1955 sister Dilbar, in 1953-1964 brothers Karimjon, Murod, Maqsud, Maruf and Orif were born. Rahimjon Otaev (Otauli) was deprived of his father in 1965, when he was sixteen years old. The loss of his father, who worked as a teacher in elementary school for many years, moreover, of his first teacher, who taught him to read and write, made a certain turn in the boy’s character. Until then Rahimjon had taken part in math olimpiads, shown special interest in music and fine arts, moreover, in 1964 he and his father visited the arts institute named after Benkov. But later he unpredictably started to publish his first poems one after another as a “famous poet in Turkistan” in a district newspaper. One of them is called “Crying father”, another is “Yassavi’s mausoleum”. The poems, published in Turkistan district newspaper in the middle of 60s of the last century, had aspirations stretching to the sun, but they were the expressions of turmoil in the depressed seventeen year old boy’s heart… But the young boy, whose most relatives were math teachers, had interest in mathematics in his blood and it was stronger than other interests. Therefore, Rahimjon Otaev submitted his documents to the math department of the present Uzbekistan national university, not to the philology department, after the devastating earthquake in 1966. As he lived in rental house in Forobi Street, he participated in the funeral of the well-known poet Gafur Gulam. At that time on July 10, 1966 unexpectedly he was able to see live speechless Oybek and very talkative writers and poets in the distance of a few steps for the first time… Perhaps due to the unexpected “earthquake” he refused the poetry as well as the study in the evening shift at the math department and returned to Turkistan. After a year long search and hesitation he came back to Tashkent again and studied in the philology department of the university in the evening shift in 1967-1973. At the same time he worked as a concrete-armature worker at the constructions of the Tashkent city after the earthquake. In 1968-1973, as a laboratory assistant of the folklore department of the scientific research institute of Language and literature he got acquainted with the study of literature, Hodi Zarif, Muzayana Alaviya, Ergash Rustamov and other famous literary scientists and their works. He wrote a coursework about an epic story “Ravshan” in the second course, about Mashrab in the third and about philosophy of Rabindranat Tagore in the fourth course. When his first scientific article about the epos “Murodhon” was published in 1971 edited by his first teacher Tura Mirzaev in the collection of famous scientists, he was twenty two years old! As he was finishing the philology department of the university in 1973, he successfully defended his diploma work on a topic “The aesthetic meaning of romanticism” based on a set of five volume collection “Nightingale melodies”, which had been recorded from the famous national bahshi Ergash Jumanbulbul at the faculty of ethics and aesthetics. The head of the scientific work was a moralist Anvar Abdusamatov, his official opponent was famous scientist philosopher Khaydar Aliqulov, unofficial opponent, who took part in the discussion, was Bakhtiyor Nazarov… If the young man, who successfully defended the diploma work on such a difficult theme at twenty four years of age, had enough scientific articles published, worked at the huge institution such as the Institute of Language and Literature, and was in the mood of taking minimum exams and writing PhD dissertation, had thought solely of his work and himself, it was sure he would have done his PhD in three years time. His first teacher Tura Mirzaev was glad saying “God sent you to me in place of my first student Farhod Rahimov, who has left such a scientific institution to his Iqon”. But he did not think about his future instead he thought of his mother, brothers and sisters in the village, therefore he quietly quit his job and went back to Turkistan as soon as he received his diploma while Tura Mirzaev got a leave. For several months he worked as a literary specialist and translator in a Turkistan district newspaper. As an annual military service, along with twenty guys of his age he went nine days and nights by train to the regiment near the port Nahodka on the coast of Japanese sea. As a “Scientist who knows Russian like the back of his hand” they wanted to keep him at the headquarters as a writer, but he revolted: “I have worked enough as a writer in the university and institute for six years, send me to such a place so that it looks like a real service!” “By his wish” he was sent to a jungle, where he was left alone among a hundred trouble-maker “grandfathers” five-six years younger than him as a “number one” switcher with his arm force of the hammer to the nuclear rocket launching mount at the division of permanent military readiness. He vent his frustration from the beatings on the turning the switch. He grabbed the handle and turned it so hard… that he reduced the time shown in the regulations by almost a half and as an exemplary number he walked all test fields from Vladivostok till Volgograd! Only in half a year he passed nearly forty thousand chaqirims sometimes by train, sometimes by plane, and sometimes by bus… Thinkers have told very precisely “One who walks – a river, who sits – a carpet”. If he sat, he would sit drowsing either in the regiment headquarters or in the department of the institute. A carpet or a covering has never become and can never become a serious writer! A serious writer is the man, who actively tends up to the sky like a roaring lion despite the depression, is not afraid of difficulties, has seen much and experienced many spiritual situations in many circumstances. It is said a doctor is not a doctor unless he experienced the sickness. A writer, so to speak, is a doctor of a human spirit. Yes, a genuine writer has to travel much, see much and know much. But after his return from a year long military service and wandering a twelve chaqirims distance back and forth between the city of Turkistan and the village of Chipon, soon Rahimjon Otaev understood that it was not efficient! Even though his lyric poems are published – in one issue of the district newspaper, his story – in another, his article – in the other issue, their efficiency… Like the saying the good from the praying namaz is not worth of wasting water used for washing for the namaz... He gave up the inefficient job after a month and decided to do what his father had done: he started to teach Uzbek and Russian languages and literature at the Chipon 8-year school, where his father had worked. After a year when his brother Hakimjon got married and his younger brother Karimjon finished his study at polytechnic institute, at last, the family condition allowed him to do what he liked. In 1975 he came back to Tashkent, but he could not get a job at the Institute of Language and Literature, which he had refused demonstratively two years ago. He could not reach other “wider areas”. He had to do his father’s job again. He became a teacher at 200-school in Chilonzor district. At that time the school called after Lenin was one of the support schools of the ministry of national education and it was just established extracurricular clubs on aesthetics, but there was no teacher at this school, who could support the initiative of the minister, leading specialist in aesthetics in the country Said Shermuhamedov! It was beneficial for both sides like a doctor’s prescription. Apart from his boiling in the big pot of the institution with more than two thousand pupils, he wrote a methodical book “Aesthetics of life, behavior and work”, to be more precise his first scientific-pedagogical article. In summer of 1976 he took the manuscript of the article, his diploma on aesthetics and the annual experience gained in the school and came to the office of the director at that time of the Institute of Philosophy and Law, Muzaffar Hayrullaev, who was a good specialist in the area of philosophy of Abu Nasr Forobi. At that time it was agreed to hire him as a laboratory assistant to the department of ethics and aesthetics headed by Shayhova. When he came in three days having quitted his job at school and sorted out all his documents, what a surprise, the situation in the institute was totally different, there was some smoke… The position of laboratory assistant disappeared for some reason. It is said “Shoot before you fall, no standing at a war”. He went directly to the office of the minister Said Shermuhamedov, told his problems and asked a direction to study for purpose postgraduate degree in Moscow or in Saint-Petersburg. The minister told “We do not have an opportunity for the postgraduate study, but we can hire you as a methodist in aesthetic development affairs and I personally can be your advisor for your scientific research!” Look, again it was just what the doctor ordered. When the Pedagogics science research institute pertaining to the Ministry, shortly, “Pednauk”-“Pedacademia” was first founded in the 1930-s, a half of the library in Kazan was transferred to this place! At his spare times from writing in Russian at the Ministry, he almost settled down in the rich library. During three years, he read and grasped the scientific views about human senses of hundreds of philosophers starting from Egyptian to Indian philosophers Radhakrishnan and Deshpande, German Freud and Schopenhauer, British Darwin and Russian Mechnikov and finished his scientific research work “Aesthetics of senses” consisting of three hundred pages. A small part of this work, for instance, was published as a scientific-publicistic article with a title “Mysterious world” in 1976 in the famous journal “Guliston” edited by the famous chief editor Asqad Muhtor. Another part was published under the title “Union of spirits” in the newspaper “Tashkent night” edited by Odil Yoqubov. These were the initial examples of scientific-publicistic, scientific-public articles, in brief, essays of Rahimjon Otaev. While he was going to translate his three hundred pages work into Russian, all of a sudden, the special scientific board on the subject of aesthetics in Uzbekistan was ended… I do thirty, my lord does nine! It seemed he was being buried into writing in the Ministry… What can a poor man do?.. After long pondering, he had to do what he knew. He converted the scientific work to essay by changing the title “Aesthetics of senses” to the half string (“The sky full of stars”) of the poem of his admired poet Gafur Gulam, giving an additional name (“Conversation about senses”) below and transforming scientific statements to literary. He showed the work first to his countryman Odil Yoqubov, who was working as deputy chief editor at the Gafur Gulam publishing house. The well-known writer expressed his care: “One can drown in such an unlimited theme! What, is your soul made of steel! Think about your head!..” He delivered the manuscript home of his dear lecturer Norboy Hudoyberganov at the university and left to Turkistan. He got married to a girl named Dilbar, whom he had met about a year ago, worked together at a publishing house and fallen love with. Look, father of the girl was from the old village Boboy and her mother was from the village Savron… He returned “double headed” to Tashkent and phoned Norboy Hudoyberganov. A heart craving reply came back: “I have written a review to your work and submitted to the publishing house. You can go and have a look…” He went, took, and looked through. What a review! The highest grade as a “Work at the degree of scientific invention”! Did the grade come out of the most demanding critic Norboy Hudoyberganov? Probably, his business will go smoothly now!.. During 1978-1981 Rahimjon Otaev thought seriously about his own head, his family, his single son born at his thirty years, his house – Native land and added his thoughts, multiplied… But the manuscript… during the four years along with the highly praised review of Norboy Hudoyberganov lied without motion. In order to move the manuscript in 1979 he submitted his documents to the organization “Goscomizdat” (present Press and news agency) relying on his experience in writing in Russian and because he could not get a job at the publishing house. When he was going to start the job… the passed away Erkin Boysinov explained as a chief editor with entreaty that Uktam Usmanov from the Central Committee had phoned him and informed that a young writer Murod Muhammad Dust was coming from Moscow to this position! It was known later that the writer was aiming at other higher positions and as usual Rahimjon Otaev found out later that the job was flourished by Azim Suyun, Muhammad Rahmon, and other writers of his age. Rahimjon Otaev was also very persistent, therefore, in four years; in 1981 he arrived at this place. Having come, he began his work in “eight fronts” simultaneously: first of all he set in motion his article at the “Uqituvchi” publishing house and essay at the Gafur Gulam publishing house. Afterwards, he read hundreds of literary works published back to back by tens of publishing houses, wrote reviews and prepared a series of reviews about Uzbek literature in Russian based on them. At the same time, he entered correspondence postgraduate study and started his second scientific work on the topic “Typology of the current Uzbek essays” under the supervision of Norboy Hudoyberganov. And at last, in five-six years of break, he started to write stories and essays himself with great aspiration. In only two-three years he wrote down an essay “Repayable world” (later it was necessary to change its name to “Corona of the universe”), a small essay “A window of the heart”, and “Mercy”, “Entreat”, “Golden apples”, “Brother of future Pushkin” and many other stories. True, all of these were published after five-six years later. None of the writer Rahimjon Otaev’s prosaic work has been published without such a “break” – there has been needed time to “analyze” them. But the vigor of their production, both production and publishing of the critical articles, was envious!.. In only 1982 apart from many mentioned and unmentioned works, in weekly periodical “Uzbek Literature and Arts” his first critical article “Value of a poem” on the whole page, his first review “Youth at the life crossroad” in the newspaper “Tashkent truth” (about the first essay “Return” of Gaffor Hotam), and many other in total twelve literary-critical articles were written and published one after another. Even Abdulla Ulugov, who submitted documents and took exam for the correspondence postgraduate study with him, was surprised: “Twelve critical articles in a year?.. Why do you need to study for the postgraduate degree?..” What should he do? Since his scientific work on aesthetics is in the deadlock… at least he would do a research in study of literature and become a candidate of science, does not the guy know this After twenty four years (!) he thought thoroughly and realized that Abdulla Ulugov knew much! He was called by invitation of Sarvar Olimjonovich Azimov and by request of his advisor at the “Goscomizdat” Ruben Akopovich Safarov on August 25, 1983 to the Writers Union to work as a literary advisor on the criticism and the study of literature. After two days there was next meeting of the critic and study of literature board chaired by Vohid Zohidov at the Gafur Gulam publishing house. Coming out of the meeting, he asked and found out that only half volume of his essay “The sky full of stars” had been hardly included into the publishing plan and was going to be published in a day or two, but its large chapter called “The most mysterious sense” was held back from the second proofreading at a considerable cost to the publishing house! He asked and learned that Utkir Hoshimov, who had just started to work as a deputy chief editor, had done it! Why, for what purpose, that is a bit too thick… He could neither laugh nor cry. In his mind there rotated Abdulla Oripov’s poem: Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, why do you laugh At the man, who is feeling sorry? Why did you stretch your hand to poor’s Property left after thieves?.. At that time he thought: “It seems one should choose one of the two sides of the “barricade” called essay like Afandi suggested?”... He took the proofreading of the chapter to the head of publicistic department of the journal “Eastern star” Murod Hidir. It was published in 1983 in the 12-issue of the journal by additional title “Love, marriage, family and divorce problems” at the same time with the essay “The sky full of stars”. It was awarded with the annual prize of the journal. In the meanwhile Salohiddin Mamajonov, who was recently appointed at the position of the chairman of the critic and study of literature board, praised his article so well! “It would be great if a scientist writes one such a wonderful article per year!” R. Otaev wondered from these words, certainly: “Why only one per year?! He finished writing his article in one night and day about seven years ago!..” The chief editor of the journal “Eastern star” Pirmat Shermuhamedov both on his and Sarvar Azimov’s behalf, moreover, on behalf of Zulfiyahonim praised the article and made an order: “You will write another article “Marriage” similar to this one, brother!” He wrote a new article “Marriage or philosophy of happiness” in two-three days, copied to a white paper and turned in, but the deputy chief editor Hudoyberdi Tuhtaboev calmed him down a little: a half of the article was published in the journal. Anyway, it was his first essay published back to back before its ink dried! Ikrom Otamurod, who was working temporarily in the department of critic and study of literature, ordered to write “’Strokes to the portrait of Erkin Azam”, the “strokes” named “May tuneful songs last” was published with lightening speed leaving behind “Marriage or philosophy of happiness” in 2-issue in 1984. In the beginning of spring, there was a seminar of young writers, where he not only participated in the literary critic sessions but also made a report at the closing ceremony instead of the chairman of the ceremony Salohiddin Mamajonov. On twenty first March he was accepted as a member to the Union of Writers. In May he attended VIII conference of young writers of former USSR held in Moscow as an only critic along with Hayriddin Sultonov, Sharof Boshbekov, Qutlibeka Rahimboeva, Hamza Imonberdiev from Uzbekistan. He took part in the critic sessions led by Vitali Ozerov, Ter-Akopyan and Kazbek Sultonov along with Kyrgyz Kalik Ibraimov, Kazakh Shuga Nurpeisova, Azerbaijan Samir Tagizoda and other about forty young critics. His article in Russian (“Horizons of search: problems and character”), which contained an analysis of works of Erkin Azam, Togay Murod, Murod Muhammad Dust, Hayriddin Sultonov, Anvar Obidjon and Gaffor Hotam, was recommended to the journal “People’s friendship”. Moreover, he received a detailed review of great Russian scientist Yuri Ryurikov, who was an author of rare essay “Three attractions”, to his essay “The sky full of stars” translated and sent to Moscow in rush. In the second half of that year, his two more literary-critic articles, in particular, the articles about three criteria of word art “Depth, width and height” and about youth essay writing “Fate of a hero – fighting” were published one after another in the periodical “Uzbekistan Literature and Art”. After much appraisal, they were included into the public collections “Literature and time”, “Truth – flag of creativity”. At last, in the end of that year 1984, his first essay being motionless for three years started to move and was published in the journal “Youth”. The essay depicting the experience of a young philosopher Hakimbek, not Verter, but close to him, was the first prosaic work of R. Otaev in the republican press!.. Thus, if we calculate, R. Otaev’s first scientific article was published when he was 22 years of age, his scientific-public article when he was 27, and his first critic article at 33, his first prosaic work at 35 years of age. We want to say that R. Otaev came to the literary prose with the sufficient and serious expertise needed for a writer and naturally, all his works written in the last twenty two years are equivalent to that. In the beginning of 1985 it stood the famous question “What to do” before him. He was able to publish his first scientific work, even though half of it, in the form of essay. Should he finish his second scientific work – “Typology of current Uzbek essays” or at least now deal with more focus with the main purpose or final goal – literary prose? In hope to finish his scientific work he lied to the Tashkent mineral water hospital in spring of that year and in twenty four days he wrote a large essay “Sounds of surnay ” instead of his scientific work. In the essay the events happened at the Writers Union in that spring were transferred to the Union of Composers and consequently, it described the fate of young composer and music expert Ozod Ziyodovich Holiqov with a certain degree of allegoric and depth. The essay reflected the independence clearly. Having read the manuscript, the chief editor of the journal “Youth” Murod Hidir approved it warmly and suggested to publish it under the name “Ozod” instead of the name “Melodies of sunray”, which was the first line of Gafur Gulam’s poem “Surnay”. R. Otaev, of course, agreed with pleasure with the reasonable idea. In the meantime, the head of the prose department Erkin Azam came back from a vacation, made Shuhrat Rizaev proofread the manuscript and put a good block before the work. In order to pacify R. Otaev, who rioted out of anger with the “Tricky method”, the new chief editor Omon Matjon gave the manuscript to Tohir Malik for another proofreading. It looked Tohir Malik tried to make both wolf full and the lamb intact. Therefore in his review it was suggested to give up the family issues related to the sudden loss and search of children Farhod and Marjon of the young composer Ozod Holiqov and to describe only the events occurred in the Union of Composers. It certainly did not suit the author. In fact, the spiritual state, state of mind, spiritual value of Ozod, who was looking for his Farhod and Marjon, were the sounds of surnay! The manuscript of the essay was preserved carefully for three years in the hands of the new head of the prose department Gaffor Hotamov. In the fourth year Tohir Malik showed a generosity saying “Come on, are you still wandering unable to publish the single essay? Here, publish the way you like!” The work was finally published in 2-issue in 1989. What did R. Otaev do during four years from 1985 to 1989? First of all, he waited with patience for some people to gain a conscience. But, he did not idle, did not drowse, of course… He put the prose aside again and first focused on translation, then on critic and publicism. He translated a novel-essay “Karakalpaknama” and an essay “Letters to my grandfather” of Tulapbergan Kaipberganov from Karakalpak language, the work “Shurabad” of Iranian writer Muhammad Ali Jamolzoda from Russian, an essay “The song of existence” of Kazakh writer Muhtor Magavin from Kazakh to Uzbek. Most of them were published in the journals one by one. A great work might choke, but will not die. One of them, “The song of existence” was published in the journal “World literature” after exactly ten years in 1998 by strong support of passed away Ozod Sharafiddinov. Once he lost his hope from his second scientific work, he thought that a road to the fields wider than essay opened before him. There were published many articles and reviews, in particular, “Caravan of wisdom”, in which Odil Yoqubov’s novel “Ancient world” was thoroughly analyzed aesthetically, was published in the journal “Youth” in 3-issue in 1986; “Birth of innovation” in the journal “Guliston” in 1986; “Horizons of search: problems and character”, which the journal “People’s friendship” delayed, was published in the journal “Eastern star” in 6-issue in 1986; “Epic depiction and analysis” devoted to the analysis of Odil Yoqubov’s novel “Swans, white birds” was published in the public collection “Literature and art” in 1987. Moreover, his articles about the creative search of Gaffor Hotam and Abbos Said, about problems of the children’s literature in Russian “Responsible for all”, “Start from yourself” were published in the newspapers such as “Truth of East”, “Komsomolets of Uzbekistan”. Now thinking about it one regrets! Time, effort, dreams gone in vain!.. If Bahtiyor Nazarov had written four-five research works such as “Gafur Gulam’s world” instead of the works as a government official in almost twenty years of his promotion from the position of director of the Institute of Language and literature to the position of vice-president of the Academy of Science, it would have been such a nice work! The same way, if R. Otaev had not got distracted by the passing worlds and written at least one essay like “Sounds of surnay” per year!.. No, the real critic is also a true art relating to the eternity. The art can always attain the eternity only by relying on the everlasting works. Among many literary-critic articles and reviews, there is hope for the future of his two articles, in which Odil Yoqubov’s two undying works were analyzed from a new perspective. The articles “The rays of a morning star” dedicated to the analysis of Chulpan’s novel “Night and day” published in 1-issue in 1989 and “The light of imagination” devoted to the analysis of Chulpan’s drama “Yorqinoy” published in the weekly periodical “Uzbekistan Literature and Art” in the same year can be added next to them. Especially, the scientists such as Umarali Normatov and Begali Qosimov, later Dilmurod Quronov and Bahodir Karim lauded the two articles at the time. Low bow to the scientists, who have noticed the author’s critic views at that time and after fifteen years! The works of great Chulpan had a spiritual strength to awaken many drowsing souls! Sometimes the author looks at the firmness of his many publicistic and literary-critic articles, stories and essays written with great enthusiasm in 1989-1991 and thinks “Oh my God, have I written these?”. What is to be done, it is a heritage from Navoi and Pushkin that there will appear this sense in every writer’s heart!.. For instance, one can say that the publicistic articles “Know business rather word” (“Voice of Uzbekistan”, February 25, 1989), “Qalpoq market” (“National word”, January 1990), “Language and nation’s son or elixir of life to the dried tongue” (“Guliston”, 1990), “Bent wings of a sparrow” (“Young Leninist”, 1990), “Where is logic?” (“Communication”, 1992) can be considered as serious tests on the way to convert literary publicism to a real literary fiction. Written in this period or written earlier and at last published articles “Mercy” (“Uzbekistan literature and art”, 1989), “Entreat” (“Young Leninist”, 1990), “Father” (“Youth”, 1991), “Otabosh” (“Guliston”, 1991), the fantastic essay “Conversation with Tagore” (“Art”, 1990), the essays “Wonder”, “Love”, “Respect”, “Reproach”, “Hatred”, “Encouragement”, “Complaint” in the series of “The seven climates of heart” are also firm examples of a short literary prose, which do not surrender to the cruel verdict of time. Most of these works have been published by a pseudonym “Otauli” . Not “Ota” , “Otaturk” , “Otaliq” , “Otabek” , “Otajon”, but only “Otauli”… He became “Otauli” at his forty years of age, got rid of the empty handedness of the seven-eight years a little and soon had his two books published. In 1990 the novel-essay “Karakalpaknama” of the well-known Karakalpak writer T. Kaipberganov was published as a book by the Gafur Gulam publishing house with R. Otaev’s translation. In summer 1991 – in the threshold of the historical day of independence of Uzbekistan the collection of essays “Sounds of surnay” and “The seven climates of heart” (“Young guard”, proofreaders: a scientist Mahmudjon Nurmatov and a writer Shodmon Otabek) were published. Right, it was going to be published a collection of literary-critic articles called “The ability of idea and word” consisting of 10 printer’s sheet written with the passed away Gulam Gafurov. Moreover, the authors’ fees were received and the book was approved to be published. The collection has not been published as a book probably because of the translation from Karakalpak, of his book in the neighbor publishing house, of “his neighbor” in this book, of the reasons impossible to find out. Since then Otauli has been working in the Union of Writers for twenty three years, worked as a critic with zeal, written hundreds of critic articles, reviews, essays, but has not seen his own literary-critic collection. Like undying Hoja Nasriddin Afandi said “Hopefully, your husband”, if God wishes, he will have his book of literary thoughts published named as “Pyramid of soul”! By the way, his hands were not very empty on this matter! In the beginning of 1990 when it was being made preparation for the next meeting of Uzbekistan writers, the chairman of the union at that time Odil Yoqubov took the poet and translator of children’s literature Miraziz Azam and R. Otaev to the Creative house of writers in Dormon. Two of them prepared a book called “Uzbek literature in 1985-1990” in a month. It was published in 1,000 copies and distributed to the participants of the meeting. In one third part of the book it was poured R. Otaev’s heart, in particular, his personal observations not only about Uzbek prose, publicism, drama, and literary criticism, but also the work “Rough meetings” written as a reply to “Majolis un nafois”. Although it was published in the rotaprint method, it has not turned yellow like the author in sixteen years and interested people can still read it easily… What else has left out here that can be told and must be told? It only left to answer the question: “What has hardworking Otauli done since 1991 as a critic, publicist and translator?” Otauli started writing a weighty work “Mystery of mysteries (Turkistan doston )” consisting of three parts and five hundred pages in 1989 at his forty years of age and finished it at last in 1993 at his forty four years of age (it should be told to have a clear understanding that starting at Chulpan’s age and finished at Qodiri’s age). Usually every writer has his or her main work. In his main work finished at Otauli’s forty four years of age, it is described the courses of life of three brave brothers to the independence of Uzbekistan, more precisely, to the law on state language – ordinary farmer Sobir the melonman, trader master Qodir the dexterous and intelligent (linguist scientist) Kenja Botir (Botir Zokirov). One part (“The story of Qodir the dexterous”) of the work consisting of 150 pages was published in 12-issue of the journal “Eastern star” in 1994 and in 1995 it was awarded by Alp Jamol prize established by the Writers Union and the “Alp Jamol” corporation. Another part (“The story of Sobir the melonman”) containing 100 pages was published in 3-4-issues of the journal “Youth” in 1995. Some passages of the main part (250-page volume “The story of Kenja Botir”) have been published in many leading newspapers and journals such as “Voice of Uzbekistan”, “Life in village”, “Communication”, “Tashkent night”, “Young force”, “Morning star”, etc. The manuscript has been remaining for thirteen years in the Gafur Gulam publishing house without any movement. During these thirteen years, there have come to and left four-five directors of the publishing house. Almost all works, which have won the Alp Jamol prize, have been published as a book. Much water has flowed under the bridges and many trees have been cut. The humanity is intending to fly to the planets other than the Moon. So many books are being published in multivolume at many publishing houses. But the book “Mystery of mysteries (Turkistan doston)” still has not been able to fit this large world… Is this what the saying goes “It is a large world to a generous person”?!. At that time in 1994-1995 Otauli thought “Ok, it has a very big volume, I have opened my embrace wider, maybe, later it will fit”, of course, hoped for good and did what he knew. In hope “it will help fit” he wrote a series of short articles called “Word about word”, where he interpreted an etymological meaning of old Turkish words. He has published overall forty articles in the newspapers and journals one by one. At the same time, thinking “Hopefully, this one will fit” he wrote a new prosaic work “Afandi will not die” containing two hundred and fifty pages once again borrowing the title from the great Gafur Gulam and finished it in 1997. On the way he analyzed Odil Yoqubov’s “Ulugbek’s treasure” and “Conscience” and wrote a critic work “Torch of education and mentality” containing fifty pages. There has not left a word untold about these two best works, but people wanting to comment them are a great number. It means, the work can be kept in reserve for now and there is no need to increase the number of competitors! But where the doston “Messenger (Afandi will not die)”, in which the wonderful adventures of Hoja Nasriddin Afandi of present time – Nasriddin Latifiddinovich Hojanazarov are written interestingly and playfully, can fit as a whole?.. The well-known Karakalpak writer T. Kaipberganov has given three-word “approve” and helped much in fitting the half of the work in the journal “Youth” in 1998 and showed a great generosity unforgettable until death. The stubbornness of a persistent person was dangerous that in 1998 he wrote probably the shortest prosaic doston in the world “Nation (Forobi’s friend)” containing only fifty pages in hope “This one will surely fit as a whole!” To write about the great philosopher someday was his thirty-year dream. Everyone has a mountain to rest against and a grave to strive for. For a poor philosopher writer Forobi is a very good mountain! In the work it was described the experience of the great scholar at the prophet’s age in one street and one night in Tashkent city, who was taking his favorite student Said Ali and his only son Nasriddin to his fatherland, and his conversation with Bugrohon, founder of the Karahani sultanat ... Also, he collected all his ideas unentered “Messenger”, in which it was artistically portrayed a beautiful symbol for the character and mentality of Turkistan Nation, wrote another series of small articles called “Nation’s character” and started to publish them one by one. The main goal and final purpose was certainly clear to anyone: “As “Mystery of mysteries (Turkistan doston” is divided into many parts, what could be done, hopefully, this Undying Afandi will be published as a book consisting of ten printing sheets!” Believe it or not, first of all in this hope, he ended his work started long time ago and prepared a critic review containing fifty pages called “Nation’s character in Erkin Azam’s prose” in the section “Peers about peers”. Moreover, he added his articles from the two series into this review and brought order to another book’s manuscript called “Precious words”. So, who will lavish and publish this one?.. Right, in 1997 he had his book published after six years. T. Kaipberganov’s novel-essay “Karakalpaknama” was republished by “Sharq ” publishing house. The quality of the book was so high that everyone would be envious! May it get published thousand times, but a translation is a translation, someone else’s property! In 1998-1999 two more works were published as a translation from Kazakh in the journal “World literature”. First, as abovementioned, Muhtor Magavin’s essay “Song of existence” was published at last after ten years. Then, Abish Kekilboev’s essay “Horserace” was translated and published by the order of the journal. These too are exemplary works of contemporary Kazakh writers… But their author is not R. Otaev either! Where, when and how can he publish his works “Messenger” and “Nation” as a whole book? In search of way out, he analyzed all eight novels in detail published during 1998 and in the beginning of 1999 and wrote a review “Breath of passing days”. In the review, in particular, he posed a question “Why is there no single novel on the contemporary topic during the seven years of independence of Uzbekistan?” at the meeting of writers first and at the press later. Perhaps, this serious question was a decisive incitement, who knows, in a while, his work “Messenger (Afandi will not die)” was finally published as a whole book! Taking the testing copy of the book, the chief editor at that time Bobur Alimov of “Sharq” PPSC remarked to Otauli: “Had you not tell to the drawer, brother Rahim, would he have written your name and surname visible to eyes, so small!” Otauli’s heart was filled: “Having respect for Afandi and Kaipberganov I thank God that the book has been published this way, thank you!” Being satisfied with Afandi, he personally received the copy of the doston “Alpomish” published fully for the first time, whose millennium anniversary was widely celebrated in that year, as a beautiful book and priceless present from the hands of his first teacher Tura Mirzaev. Such a book!.. After the famous foreword written by Hamid Olimjon to the first edition of the best work, one can say, he made a thorough aesthetic analysis of the work for the first time and wrote an essay “Nation’s immortal hero” containing 90 pages. He has read the essay himself in five-six parts at the radio. But this work has not fit any journal and has not been published as a separate book. Leaving “Alpomish” for a while, he returned to “Forobi”: “How can he publish the only fifty pages big “Nation”?.. In search of a solution, he opened his heart to his dear friend T. Kaipberganov. The big writer has read it, congratulated and lavished according to his character: “Come on, little brother, I will write something to this your work too. You know, the words “karahani” and “Karakalpak” have the same root!” Otauli’s heart was filled again: “You have approved “Afandi…” and done a work no Uzbek had been able to do, brother! I will not forget that your good and this your generosity until death. Now hopefully there will be an Uzbek writer, who can appreciate Forobi!..” “Then, you should not waste your time on trifles and should get the approval from Abdulla, little brother! Don’t be shy, don’t hesitate!” Otauli showed courage and Oripov generosity, thus, “Nation (Forobi’s friend)” was published in 2-issue of the journal “Eastern star” in 2000! Nor reduced nor divided! It was a double holiday for Otauli. First of all, “Nation” is the only literary work about Abu Nasr Forobi written in 1050 year history of Uzbek literature. Second of all, Abdulla Oripov’s Word to this work is the only Word in Uzbek language said separately about the creative work of Otauli!.. But Otauli’s joy did not last long. It was fine that no writer or scientist had told a word at the press about the book “Messenger” for a year or at least it had not been given a message “Such a book was published” in a periodical given about many other books. (It must be told that after two years our famous writer Pirimqul Qodirov told excitedly “There is a book on a contemporary topic demanded by our president, here it is!” showing to the book “Messenger” in his hands in 2001, however, the comments have not been published in the press. The most surprising thing was that in 2000 it was published a critic article “Doston or prediction?” of the professor Sanjar Sodiq about the work “Nation” in the periodical “Uzbekistan literature and art” without any hinders! Even the title of the article was against logic. (If it were called “Doston or story?” or “Prediction or mere word?” it would be a logical question!) The article itself seemed to pretend a fool like “Interesting, can doston be written in prose too?”... What can be done now? First he wrote a rejecting article “Epos of the East” trying to explain what doston was and what types of it existed. Unable to publish it, he thought: is it necessary to prove the existence of prosaic doston to the professor with PhD? In general, how and what can you prove to the “scientists of the end of the world”, who are doing that into water deliberately? There is no way other than asking conscience to them from God!.. He could not stop himself from posing one of the thousand burning questions before Abdulla Oripov: “All right, let them not respect me nor Forobi, who died a thousand and fifty years ago, should not they respect your words, I do not understand?..” In response to the question the genius poet made such a facial expression that no language or pencil in the world can comment it… Anyway, in the expression he felt the thinker’s silent consolation, support, and call for watchfulness as “Don’t worry, but be alert at the same time”… Otauli was a hardworking person; therefore, he continued to carry out his job, certainly. First, he wrote a five-page historical article “Haddi Iskandari ” imitating great writer Alisher Navoi’s doston “Saddi Iskandari”. It was published in the newspaper “Writer” in the end of 2000. For an understanding man there were two messages in the article: “Here, see it is not a doston, but a historical story!”, “Even if you were Alexander the Great, don’t permit yourself too much, dear brother, have a heart!”.. Then during a year he shook the pencil vigorously and finished writing his new doston “The order of time” in the end of 2001. The work was published after two years in 2003 in the journal “Eastern star” (with the smallest font size in the history of the Uzbekistan press!). In these two years, and in general, during next five years, naturally, Otauli has written many works where needed. For example, the articles “Report”, “Naturalist”, “Observation”, and the five articles in the series “The pyramid of soul”… At the moment, he is about to finish his fifth new prosaic doston about a patriotic man, a psychologist, who can be called “Here, Uzbek Freud!”… Three years ago, Otauli submitted a manuscript of the book to the publishing house “East”, which included the selected articles and essays written for the works “The order of time” and “Nation” at different times and gave a clear idea about the creative work of Otauli. For three years he has been running and looking for a generous person in whole country and asking many cold people in hope to publish the book!.. Honestly, it can not fit not only into the short autobiography, but also the work bigger than “The doston of Turkistan”! It is said that the deceased Mirtemir domla read his poem “Dear mother”, one of the most beautiful poems of XX century Uzbek poetry, at the threshold of sixty years old at the large meeting with well-known poets of the Writers Union and asked modestly: “Could you tell me if I can publish the poem?..” Of course, Otauli does not wish or imitate Mirtemir domla’s this state. As an employee of the Uzbekistan Writers Union for twice as long as Mirtemir domla – for twenty three years and nowadays a writer, who is writing his fifth doston “Conscience”, wants only to ask a conscience: “Can a hardworking writer, who has been working for forty years in four-five directions, have a single, hardcover, considerably qualitative book not a multivolume selections like others at the threshold of sixty years of age?! Where are you, the heavenly conscience?!” Comment: In our nation there is a wise saying “Die for yourself, orphan” It is the most bitterly funny proverb in the world! As the best work “Prankish boy” shows that an orphan does not die for himself, on the contrary, he does his best to survive. One of the methods of such struggle as everybody knows is considered a self-service… In our current literature the kinds of self-service have been continuously increasing… The presenter of only one of them to Your attention and the translator, publicist and critic, who jotted down the autobiography of Otauli on a white paper